Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
