ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
