shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
