I need help removing her.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
