He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
