Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
