ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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