You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize