see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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