I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
