I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
