Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
