dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my shit smells like andre
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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