My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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