Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
