Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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