I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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