If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
