Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
