is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
