scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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