Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
