I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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