So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it because I queefed?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize