just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
cat food counts as protein by the way
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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