Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
40s are totally the cure
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
