Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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