people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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