dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
