She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
