so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
