i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
