She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
