There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
