K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
