I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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