I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
