I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is my gift to your gina
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
