It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
