Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
