Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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