and you said cock pushups were impossible
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
