when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
