Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
