...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
