We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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