I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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