Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize