I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
