I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
