So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
