you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
