i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
