I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
