im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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