yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
