i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize