his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
