I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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