Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize