I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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